tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452711402584389245.post6144179972686971356..comments2023-09-18T06:11:40.551-04:00Comments on blog my life: Revising the EndJanice Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00518892582829421885noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452711402584389245.post-80777663071678957282009-03-31T01:53:00.000-04:002009-03-31T01:53:00.000-04:00I'm glad you're pushing forward with this Janice. ...I'm glad you're pushing forward with this Janice. Keep going. Your metaphor is strong here, so don't let it get away from you.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01529215712504067209noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452711402584389245.post-75303245283621667362009-03-30T08:35:00.000-04:002009-03-30T08:35:00.000-04:00I would leave out the "two years later" and just g...I would leave out the "two years later" and just go right into the stuff about the eye of the storm. Then maybe begin the second to last paragraph something like this "Now, two years after, it seems to me that my initial silence was not unlike the eye of a hurricane . . . " The rest is great!Sheryl St. Germainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02824913778725902048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452711402584389245.post-58563829062587439762009-03-28T17:11:00.000-04:002009-03-28T17:11:00.000-04:00Great use of research, making something sort of sc...Great use of research, making something sort of scientific, but not too much so. Nice metaphor, too.I l think it works the way it is, but that's just me :)Cyndi https://www.blogger.com/profile/12128976322946445056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452711402584389245.post-36095616035295237922009-03-28T16:56:00.000-04:002009-03-28T16:56:00.000-04:00I see this as an introduction to a book--but I'd d...I see this as an introduction to a book--but I'd ditch the last paragraph. Introducing the book with the hurricane metaphor is a really compelling way of beginning a longer book-length piece. You'll get to the specifics/conclusion of the last paragraph in later chapters.emilyrodgershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18094070663103290128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452711402584389245.post-91349583308031254382009-03-27T22:19:00.000-04:002009-03-27T22:19:00.000-04:00I like this Janice. I like that you really use and...I like this Janice. I like that you really use and own the hurricane metaphor. It's not cliche, it's meaningful. I like the last line, but there's something about the last paragraph that feels off to me. Maybe if it was in the "I would turn him in, go to court, etc." instead of the "I did" I would feel better about it. But I guess you've already said this is writing from two years later, so maybe I'm wrong. Let me think about it.KateHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00086624223570091186noreply@blogger.com