tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452711402584389245.post3860951561871904632..comments2023-09-18T06:11:40.551-04:00Comments on blog my life: Revising: Lessons of Piecrust , Part 2Janice Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00518892582829421885noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452711402584389245.post-12111978819892429602009-02-03T10:51:00.000-05:002009-02-03T10:51:00.000-05:00I really like how you added more details about you...I really like how you added more details about your family. For me, that filled out this essay, put apples in the pie, if you will. <BR/><BR/>Also, I agree with Emily...the ending is much stronger. Not nearly as forced as before.<BR/>Good job!Cyndi https://www.blogger.com/profile/12128976322946445056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452711402584389245.post-38857096521853943762009-02-02T14:49:00.000-05:002009-02-02T14:49:00.000-05:00Janice, this is great! The dialogue captures the f...Janice, this is great! The dialogue captures the feeling and scene wonderfully. I love the phrase "uncharacteristically generous." It's just right!KateHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00086624223570091186noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4452711402584389245.post-92148330286284107032009-02-02T01:08:00.000-05:002009-02-02T01:08:00.000-05:00Much improved conclusion. Feels like a natural, or...Much improved conclusion. Feels like a natural, organic end to the piece. Also, I like the phrase "the everyday heaviness of life." I'd still like to see the term "life pressures" from the first section rephrased. It sounds both vague and cliche at the same time. I'd love for you to come up with another evocative phrase like "the heaviness of life."emilyrodgershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18094070663103290128noreply@blogger.com